


Please

by Coldfeetonthekitchenfloor



Category: One Direction
Genre: Agony, Angst, F/M, Hurt, M/M, Multi, One Shot, One Sided Love, One sided, One-Shot, Other, Pain, Sad, Wrong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-11
Updated: 2014-06-11
Packaged: 2018-02-04 07:46:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1771264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coldfeetonthekitchenfloor/pseuds/Coldfeetonthekitchenfloor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"My first real crush was......... Louis Tomlinson."<br/>That's what it was, a crush. A crush he had had for 3 years now. It's just a crush, of course it is, it can't be anything more. He's your bestfriend and this is just a crush. It was the complete truth, Harry's first crush was Louis Tomlinson. And so what? Crushes don't matter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Please

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote this whilst I was supposed to be writing my other two fics but this just wouldn't let me. It's not the best but it wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it. Please comment opinions xx thanks xx

"My first real crush was......... Louis Tomlinson."  
That's what it was, a crush. A crush he had had for 3 years now. It's just a crush, of course it is, it can't be anything more. He's your bestfriend and this is just a crush. It was the complete truth, Harry's first crush was Louis Tomlinson. And so what? Crushes don't matter. Harry had always been bad at interviews. No one really noticed and he had a load of media training and knew what to say if he got stuck but the thing was he tended to answer with the first thing that popped into his head. 

"Which member of the band would you like to date?"  
"I'd definitely date Louis"  
And it was the truth, he was told to tell the truth but when he would turn his head, part of the management team would look at him with a "Harry, we are supposed to be stopping these rumours not creating more" look and he remembers he shouldn't tell the truth when it comes to Louis. 

"Is he the messiest?"  
"Yes."  
"Does he do the washing up?"  
"Never."  
"Does he make his bed?"  
"Never."  
"Would you rather be with one of these guys?"  
"......no."  
It's not that he wouldn't want to live with one of the others, it was just that he didn't mind living with Louis, he liked it. He didn't want to live with anyone else.

"If you could snog the other members of one direction who would it be?"  
"I'd snog.....Louis." 

"Who would you like to be your valentine? If you could have anyone in the world?"  
Anyone in the world, the entire world and not a single person pops into his mind, well that's not true. No one except for the older boy waiting for his answer. So of course he just says what he's thinking.  
".......You." 

It's his fault that they both cause hysteria and rumours. It's his fault that Louis thought it best to not stand or sit near each other in public because "things'll die down, the rumours will stop soon." Sure Louis has said things which the fans pick up on, Louis did nuzzle his head into Harry's neck and kiss the skin there quickly when Harry said "kiss me you fool." Louis often gives him kisses, none on the lips but kisses all the same, Louis does touch Harry more than friends normally would. But they aren't normal friends they have this closeness that neither of them can describe.  
Still, Harry shouldn't blush when Louis gets his attention and cracks a joke, his heart shouldn't race and his breath shouldn't hitch when Louis leans in close to his face, only to lick his nose, what did Harry even think he was going to do? It shouldn't feel as though someone is stabbing him in the heart when Louis gets asked:  
"Do you have a girlfriend."  
And the reply is:  
"Yes."  
That shouldn't hurt because Harry is his best friend, nothing more. And maybe Louis does give him mixed signals sometimes, holds onto Harry a little too long when they hug, says things that get Harry's heart racing.  
"You're on a whole new level of charm."  
"I'd marry you Harry."  
"I'm slowly being seduced by your curls."  
"I'd take Harry for the night."  
"You tried baby."  
"Just carry on with what you're doing sunshine."  
"Blondes or brunettes?" "Harry."  
"Who wouldn't love him?"  
He doesn't remember these exact words, and they definitely don't run through his head on a loop, like a sick mantra, making him rethink their whole relationship, because their friends, just friends. 

Except they aren't just friends, they were never just friends. They both know this, well Harry certainly does but he keeps this secret in a lie. Because if they find out, if Louis finds out, will it all go wrong? He can convince himself if he really tries and he does. Sometimes he manages to, when he looks into the eyes of the boy he loves and he looks away but then when Harry finally does catch his eyes everything crumbles because those eyes lead him straight back home. Harry doesn't get it, he just doesn't understand because if Louis knows him like he knows Louis then Louis should know, he should know. Why is he so oblivious? Friends just sleep in another bed, not stumble into each other's rooms at three in the morning when they can't sleep. Friends don't welcome the other into their bed with open arms and cuddle until they can't tell where one of them starts and the other ends. He knows that there's a limit to everything but friends don't love each other like they do. The frustrating thing is that if Louis loved him that way, just a tiny little bit, Harry knows that they could be anything if they tried, they could keep their secrets safe. But then again, they're just friends and someone else loves Louis too. There's a limit to everything and Harry knows that friends shouldn't love him like Louis does. 

So what is he supposed to do when something happens that isn't supposed to? What is he supposed to do when Louis starts a tickle fight and they end up on top of each other their faces inches apart. What is he supposed to do when he holds his breath because if he lets himself breathe then he's afraid of what he might do. What is he supposed to do when Louis holds his gaze with such intensity that he feels like he's drowning in oceans of blue. What is he supposed to do when it's Louis that leans in and their lips meet, it's not a kiss, it's barely a touch, a brush of lips. What is he supposed to do when Louis' eyes change and he pulls back abruptly, before getting up and walking out of the room with a simple "I won." As if nothing even happened. What the hell is he supposed to do when he turns and Liam had been watching the whole thing with this look in his eye that always seems to be there when he looks at Harry because to him it's obvious, to everyone it's obvious. He's supposed to do nothing, because it wasn't like that, they're just friends. It's not his fault when he has to take some sleeping pills that night to help him fall because his head is screaming "First kiss!" and something about that felt different. His dream consists of shouting at himself because it meant nothing, it was just another LouisandHarry thing because their friendship has no boundaries. In the end he's told himself it so much that he begins to believe it.  
"Louis doesn't love you." 

There's these other moments, times where It'd just be the two of them. Harry tried to avoid these moments although they were his favourite. It'd still somehow end up with them alone somewhere. They be close, so close, arms brushing when they moved, legs touching. Happiness would radiate from them because that's what Louis did to Harry. They'd be in their own little bubble. Laughter would be frequent because everything Louis did or said was funny and Louis would think the same of Harry. Harry thinks that Louis' laugh is the best sound in the world, especially when it was caused by him. Harry would say something and Louis' face would be filled with a grin that caused crinkles by his eyes, which would almost shut, and he would lean against Harry as his musical laugh shook his body. He would look at Harry, when he eventually calmed down, with this look on his face of amused fondness, beaming.  
"Oh Harry, I love you." And Harry's smile would falter because he didn't mean it the way he wanted him to.  
"I love you too." And it he hated to say it, it was so hard for him because he tried to make it sound like he loved Louis the way Louis loved him but it never came out that way. His voice would be laced with something else because he meant it. A lump would rise in his throat and he'd say the words around it. Sometimes Harry thought that Louis noticed how sincere his words were as he would look away after Harry said them but then again maybe he just found it weird, the way Harry did, that they told each other so often, no one else said it as often as they did. Harry hates the way that after the words have been spoken, he wants Louis when Louis makes it clear that he doesn't want him. Harry would never ask him though, because deep down he's certain that he knows what Louis would say. He'd say,"I'm sorry, believe me, I love you, but not in that way."  
And Harry hates that he needs him, that he's so reliant, so dependant, such a fool. Hates that when Louis' not there he finds himself holding this sadness, singing the blues. Louis will never know that feeling, will never see through his eyes. 

Harry doesn't know what they are called, the spaces between seconds but he thinks of Louis in each one of them. Why do we fall in love with those we cannot have? How can you simply be friends with someone when every time you look at them, you're thinking about how much more you really want? Should he smile because Louis his friend, or cry because that's all he is? He wants to tell him, needs to tell him how he really feels and how Louis makes his heart do back-flips every time he's near, but he just can’t. He can’t because he knows they're best friends and best friends aren’t supposed to love each other this way, he can’t because he knows how Louis feels about him and he doesn't want to jeopardise their friendship based on his feelings.  
Harry begs God to make him stop loving him. To make him stop thinking about him, but he hasn’t answered this prayer yet so here he is, stuck with his one-sided love for Louis.  
He's tired of hurting, tired of crying, tired of loving, but his heart just doesn’t seem to wanna let Louis go.  
So God if you are seeing this, please answer this one prayer and make him stop loving him. Please.


End file.
